anothER day to cry

it's a tuesday, i remember... that was the time i having my driving test in bangi, and i'm in a very long queue.... she called... i was so happY that she called, i dun even think she's going to reply me...
we continue to chat with each other for the following days....and i put her picture as my screen savers.... and a very special ringtone....

just then, i think i had a crushed on her... i was think i need to work just after the SPM, to earn some money, so i can call her all the time, spend most of my time with her....

her voice... it's a power that can melts my heart, never thought i could fall in love in someonE i never met b4..... maybE it's in a wrong time or whatever....

last evening, 6.10pm, after i had some basketball games with my frens... i run back homE, i think she will sms me for suRE! i ran as fast as i can, and i falls... my broken hand hits the ground.... it was very very pain and i dun think morphine can kill the pain.... slowly... i stands up.... continue running back.....

i opened the door, and get my phonE, there was a message, it's from her.... it was somethiNG i unexpected, she choose hiM, not mE... that guy was a very close friend of her, and she went to his house... study there... i was so sad.... this is another pain, another reason to break down, i can't focus in my SPM although i'm not a very smart student....

mum and sister went out, there is nobody at homE... a thought of commit suicide in my mind.... it's a very stupid move, so i cry out loudly! shout out all the pain! i bang the walls throw my handphoNE.... when mum is home, i quickly lock myself up in the door, and she scolded me for the telephone bills which i called.... i blame myself..... i shouldn't use mum's hard earn money....

it was a bad day, and i slept just after that.... i got to love myself, before i love someone(i was told by my coach) it's very meaningful.... and i bear it in my mind all the time....

i don't understand why there is pain if there is love.....